## Tuesday, November 1, 2011

### Insecurities

Today's math lesson brought something out that I don't usually think about.
(story: they were working on their worksheet:
Jasmine used the abacus to figure out the totals, which is what the book intended for her to do. Bekah, though, figured out how straight-forward it was. On the first one, you can see a 0 that was erased between the two. She told me the right answer but wrote it the way she says it: "two ten five." She wrote "two ten (20) five." As soon as I showed her with their placecards how the 5 covers the 0, she didn't make that error again.)

Jasmine is very bright. School comes quickly to her, other than writing, so we're working on that. But the rest isn't difficult. She does worry about the future, though. She worries that she'll be left to do work on her own and not get the help she needs. I've spent a long time talking through that with her.

Bekah is in a different league from Jasmine. I'm sure we'll find something she struggles with someday...oh wait! I have it. She doesn't want to talk to other people. She thinks the family should be enough, and doesn't understand why there's a need to ever see anyone else. So there's her struggle.

Jasmine is starting to recognize the fact that Bekah can do everything Jasmine can do. And it's making her uncomfortable.

What makes this a million times harder for me is that she is ME. I always knew I was decently bright, but my brother outshone me...in everything but talking to people. Yup, even down to that. So though I'm comfortable with who I am now and who he is now, it hurts me to see her struggle. I know how she feels, and I'm not sure how to help her through it appropriately.

It's funny. I don't really compare the kids the rest of the time. I see them as all completely different kids, who touch my heart in different ways and all three mean the world to me. But when they're both doing the same work, it's next to impossible not to notice the difference.

Anyone else go through this? I'd love to hear that I'll get better at it and not notice so much down the road!